Well it's friday, only 5pm and I'm drunk already. Oh well... I play better dunk anyhow. Isolation in Texas isn't so bad when alcohol keeps you company, although as long as blogger gives me space in it's web servers I don't seem to feel like losing it. Perhpas getting my thoughts down on a medium is more healthy than I'd previously thought. I might give them money so that I can put a tiny little 4k gif on this place, isn't that amusing oh nonexistant audience?

I've got to stop smoking. I stopped smoking all things except cigarettes, but the ciggs are taking their toll on my too. Naturally I get winded at the slightest exertion, but I'm used to that. It's the staying up at night because it hurts to breathe thing that's new. The sad thing is I have a whole carton of camels that I don't want to ' waste. ' It is really horrendous for my state of mind to put something off, to procrastinate on any sort of dire need, although I suppose the same would be said by anyone who does so. My parents are off at the veterans hospital, my step dad needing his medication, also a dire need if you ask me.

He's a Vietnam veteran, he hasn't told me very much at all from his experiences, but I gather that there aren't many since he spent only 18 months in the service and about a half of a year of that time was in a coma. Apparently his superiors were giving his fellow troops cocaine and because they knew/thought they were going out onto the field to get slaughtered anyhow. I'm not too sure of his involvement nor do I know any specifics of the matter, not wanting him to dig up his painful past, but from what I gathered from both him and my mom, he confronted those who were messing with the stuff, or perhaps giving it to them, and they drugged him and tossed him out a window. The rest is rather simple to digest, for those far outside the matter. He fell and a few nerves were severed near the base of his spine, paralyzing him and putting him in a coma. Now he is a computer programer, designing database systems and selling them to companies that sell trinkets through the mail, like ceramic teddy bears, and scale models of vintage automobiles. Him and my mother met about two years ago because she was a receptionist for a company that sold cute ceramic animals using my stepdad's software. It has always been a constant theme of respect and pity when dealing with him, atleast for me... I really find it tragic, due to his loss of body he now has a career that depends solely on his mind, yet due the the extreme amount of pain he goes through, and thus painkillers he goes through, he is also slowly losing that. Nevertheless he is usually in good spirits when my mother isn't verbally attacking him for being helpless... I'm not trying to paint her as the villian of the matter, but there really isn't any other path to choose since he's the victim. That's how almost every relationship goes, I've noticed. I just hope any one I participate in has some sort of cyclic tendancies, because not only do I have an appreceation or even a need for variety in life, I also have a dire need to feel like I'd be viewed as a normal person, although I know very well that such a thing doesnt exist at all, I still want to strive towards such a thing. I'm sure that's common.