Many many MANY things have changed. Many things remain the same but I have yet to address them in this medium.

I'm not in that band anymore, which is a relief because I don't to play music I didn't create, that just reminds me of those days in orchestra being hassled by a pale man waving a stick. The guitarist from the band, Tate is no longer living in our guest room, which is good, we didn't really dislike eachother but there was some tension for a while. I still dont believe the band broke up, I have a feeling they just didn't want to reject me openly. He and I never got to a point of counsel, I think he regaurded me as incapable of that, what with the age gap between us, and there was the fact that his girlfriend is stranger most sociopaths I know.

I cut my hair. This may be a crappy estimate but I'd say it went from about 6 inches long down to less than an inch. It's a hell of a lot easier to maintain, and it's quite an adjustment. I look I did when i was 15, except 8 inches taller and about 60 lbs lighter.

We are moving. And by we I mean Randy and Mom. I plan to leave as soon as they get settle'd in. My mom told me that 'There's no way in hell you're leaving now.' That may seem demanding but she certainly has bailed me out numerous times, in addition to that whole sacrificing two decades of her life so that my sister and I might have a good upbringing; an effort that I often have to assure her was successful. I'm busy packing and hunting around for jobs. I had two at one point... well... one and a half. Now I have none, and I need me some dinero!
As I see it, 4-500 clams would be a perfect stash needed to make the trip back to CT. I plan on taking a tedious 50 hour bus ride there which'll set me back 60 or so, and I'm going to find a small room for rent so that I have a neutral spot to lay my head while I look for a job up there. Adding in money for food I'm probably gonna only need 300 or so, but I would really like to offer Ricky's father something besides an apology for my cowardice.

I found Emese's online journal. It's at blurty.com, her user name is azureautumn, which is also her AIM screen name, well one of probably a hundred or so. Plenty of slander to be found, and the usual mundane details that we all go through. It still upsets me, however, because I strive to understand whether or no she really means what she posts on that thing, or if it's all some ploy that she would stash to call upon for some sort of proof in times of conjecture. I'll readily admit that the latter of those two outcomes is certainly far fetched, but I promised myself quite some time ago that I would never underestimate that girl's use of bizzare tactics, underhanded or otherwise. A tactic I've admonished to my companions as casually as possible. After all, I may lament the simple truth that she even exists in this world, but the fact is that she makes someone I care about very happy, and because of this I'd not rejoice at all if something were to put an end to any of that. Still, the girl has done plenty in the past to make my life more difficult, taken stances at times that made my opinions sound like tantrums, and of course with her need for physical comfort she nearly ended what I think could have been a pretty good friendship. Of course Ricky's no better, but hey, I haven't at any time entertained thoughts of making love to him, and besides, arent all men supposed to be sluts?

Anywho, it got to a point down here when she would call me regularly when she wasn't working hard at the pet shop or getting drunk with the gang or shacking up with ricky and I do believe I've never had such long conversations and said so very little until then. I'm a great listener, but that girl turned me into her boredom toy for a good several months just calling me whenever she wasnt occupied enough so that she might yak at me about her trite aspirations and banal quarrels, aside from on and off problems with Ricky I can't site any good examples because I honestly wasn't listening half the time, but those lengthly conversations rekindled what little abhorance I felt toward her from years ago. Sometimes I wish she was as simple as she acts so that I might disreguard her words and actions toward me and my ilk... It's finally over though, one morning I had the gall to snap at her when she messaged me fishing for compliments after I had been up for a couple days binge drinking over a plethora of problems I couldn't resolve from down here, namely Jon (see two posts ago). Naturally she got upset, and didnt accpet my apologies, and eagerly retorted back with an equal if not greater odium towards me. So be it. I was only attemtping to keep from going hostile because of the fact that we both care about Ricky... at least, I did at one point. I'd like to find our friendship intact, but who know's how deep the wreckage lies on that that poor vessel. I find myself wondering why I bothered trying to keep that shit afloat while they just cling to eachother out of fear of abandonment. Perhaps I am blaming Gabriella for a bit too much of this dung heap the three of us were in, but I'm done blaming Ricky, maybe I should have taken a swing at him back then for his aversion but I feel I put him through enough, and I certainly spent an incessantly long time blaming myself, and the only thing I did wrong was expecting things to stay the same over the course of 10 months.

Life goes on. With or without me. Our time on this world is finite, and I refuse to take part in such a complicated situation. I still want to see Lauren and Hempy, Vicki and Scotty, Karen, and a variety of others. The length of my stay in Norwalk depends on 3 factors:
A)How often I see Lexi
B)How often I see Riella
C)Whether or not the amount of gun toting drug addicts I see is greater than zero

Let's say that A = 2 points and B = 5 points, while C = 12x² points
I will officially become fed up with life in norwalk when i reach 150 points.